Parenting A Life Course Perspective -Md Amanullah
Childhood is the most crucial stage of human being where – socialization through family- he or she can achieve life course values. Parenting is a popular term about child rearing. Parenting has been defined as purposive activities aimed at ensuring the survival and development of children. Parenting derives from the Latin verb “parere”-to bring forth, develop or educate. So, the word from its root, is more concerned with the activity of developing and educating the children.
Parenting techniques and Islamic education concerning individual problems or social learners/children and educators/caregivers, educators must pay attention to use the basics of Islamic education techniques. Only good parents can make their children’s self efficacy following Islamic techniques. Holistic parenting techniques illustrated as follows:
Teaching the Tauhid (Allah is our raab and one)
The essential and most important part of parenting is to teach children that Allah is one and we all depends on Allah for everything.
“We bestowed wisdom upon Luqman, (enjoining): “Give thanks to Allah”. Who gives thanks to Allah, does so to his own good” (Surah Luqman,verse 12)
And call to mind when Luqman said to his son while exhorting him: “My son, do not associate others with Allah in His Divinity. Surely, associating others with Allah in His Divinity is a mighty wrong/Zulm.”(Surah Luqman,verse 13)
He we learn that firstly, He gave this admonition to his son, and obviously, no one can be insincere to his own children. A person may deceive others, may behave hypocritically towards them, but no one, not even a most depraved person, will try to deceive and defraud his own children. Therefore, Luqman’s admonishing his son thus is a clear proof of the fact that in his sight shirk was indeed the most heinous sin, and for that very reason he first admonished his dear son to refrain from this iniquity. And Secondly, The second reason for this narration is that many parents from among the disbelievers of Makkah were compelling their children to turn away from the message of Tauhid being preached by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and remain steadfast on the creed of shirk, as is being stated in the following verses. Therefore, those foolish people are being told, as if to say, The well-known sage of your own land had wished his children well by admonishing them to avoid shirk, now you should judge it for yourself whether you are wishing your children well or ill when you compel them to follow the same creed of shirk.
Qudwah Hasanah (integrated role model):
Modeling is the most effective way of educating. Children will follow the word, action, and attitude of educators, whether consciously or not. Children need an ideal role model to shape their behavior. Allah says in the Quran:
“You have had a good example in God’s Messenger for whosoever hopes for God and the Last Day, and remembers God oft” (QS Al Ahzab, verse 33)
“O you who have believed, why do you say what you do not do? Great is hatred in the sight of Allah that you say what you do not do” (QS Ash Shoff, verse 2)
Al Aaddah (habituation).
Habituation and discipline take an important role in educating. Habituation is derived from a conducive environment so that children get used to seeing ethical behavior. If the child is familiarized with the ugliness and ignored, he will be miserable and wretched. Keeping a child is to educate, discipline and teach morals are commendable (Imam Al Ghazali in Ulwan ) . “Indeed, we guided him to the way, be he grateful or be he ungrateful” (Al Insan, verse 3)
Many scholars also narrate like “Teach chilren and family a favor and educate them” (HR Abdurrazaq dan Said bin Manshur)
Al Mauizhah (effective advice)
The third technique is making the advice as an educational principle. The advice is given in many forms and content, sometimes in the form to alert piety, warnings, advice, and encouragement. The advice is the content of communication, in the form of delivering a message to the listener with a certain load. The contents of the communication can vary, suitable with ideal behavior. Communication techniques become important in advisory. “Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best” (An-Nahl verse 125).
Islam provides advice guidance as follows: (a) Qaulan Kariiman (noble words). That is said with good and avoids words that are vile, such as mocking, mocked up hurting the feelings of others. (b) Qaulan ma’rufan (good words). Delivering good words or silence. As Mohammad (pubh) “Speak good or be silent” (Al Hadith). Avoid words that are to criticize or find fault with others, defamatory, incites. In the Quran Surat Al Hujarat verse 12, is likened to the person who says something evil to others/ brother, like a man who takes his own carcass. This illustrates the bad behavior. (c) Qaulan Syadidan (straight and true words). Telling truth, be honest and do not lie. Once the lie is done, then the next lie will return to cover. Honesty is more noble, because no one who wants to be lied to. (d) Qaulan Balighan (exact words). That is the message, need to see the situation and the proper conditions and deliver the right words. Customize the style of language, speech material and methods of delivery to the addressee, talking with teens, different from talking to the children, and so on. (e) Qaulan Layyinan (gentle words): Delivery of messages with good technique, such as soften the sound, do not yell, and be gentle.
Al mulahazhah (fairness in care and control)
Attention and control provided parents equally: Attention means building a psychological atmosphere so that children and parents have emotional closeness. Attention also means time to get involved in children’s activities and focus on future growth. In other hand, control is a way to keep the child shows the behavior according the rules. Attention and control are given on all aspects of child development ,such as in mental development, physical development, social development and spiritual development .
“Son, Allah will bring forth everything even if it be as small as the grain of a mustard seed even though it be hidden inside a rock or (anywhere) in the heavens or earth. Allah is Most Subtle, All-Aware”(Surah lukhman, verse 15)
Al ujarah wa uqubah (proportional consequencess)
Appreciation is given to children to reinforce positive behavior and eliminate negative behavior. Appreciation is a consequence of the behavior. The principles of consequences:
(a) Educators do gentle to children; The Messenger of Allah (?) says “Allah is Most Gentle and loving attitude gentle in all things ” (HR Bukhari & Muslim). Parents should not show their uglyness or angers or even verbal violence in front of children. Exposure to violence can harm a child’s emotional, psychological and even physical development. Children exposed to violence are more likely to have difficulty in school, abuse drugs or alcohol, act aggressively, suffer from depression or other mental health problems.
(b) Educators pay attention to children character, “And you are truly ‘a man’ of outstanding character” (Surah Kwalam, verse 4) As charecter is the most important assets of a muslim, for being a representative of a muslim, children must be emphasize with good charecter. If the child has a harsh nature, the sanctions need to be enforced. But if a child has a sensitive nature, the sanction is adjusted;
(c) Provide penalties- as like M. L. Hoffman’s (2000) well established typology of parenting styles (induction, love withdrawal, power assertion)–gradually from mild to severe punishment. Penalties is given gradually ranging when there is no effect; The Messenger of Allah (?) said: Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately.(Abu Dwaud -495).
(d) Shows the error behavior so it can be a learning experience. It is necessary to show the mistakes made by children, so that children know the good behavior. Sanction given to the child for his mistakes and not to his personality. It means, even a child makes a mistake, parents still love children.
Islamic repertoire was loaded with a solution of a variety of psychological problems, including the formation of self-concept, achievement motivation, self-esteem and self-efficacy in adolescents. The awareness of religious-based parenting grow rapidly in line with the public awareness, to make religion as a solution to any problems. Researchers in the field of parenting need to explore the concept of Islam as a comprehensive solution to be offered. Role of parents is a fundamental role in the formation of adolescent mental. This role will also be important as efforts to optimize the development of adolescents. Proper parenting will make teenagers gain a real example of the environment on the importance of feeling capable, the importance of a conducive environment and social persuasion that akam provide feedback on the youth to appreciate the positive side of ourselves. Religious-based parenting functions is needed by adolescents in the formation of mental health. Holistic techniques in parenting, such as Qudwah hasanah, al aaddah, al mauidzah, and uqubah wa al mulahadzah ujarah, need to be applied to the care of all the age of the child.
The author is studying in the Department of Sociology, University of Dhaka.