Marital Life; Strengthening Social Base Through Romance & Respect -By Nusrat Jahan

Family is the base of society and a happy-healthy conjugal life is the basis of a family. But now-a-days conjugal life is not balanced, happy rather it is breaking down. As a result, a great gap is being created in family and social life which is very alarming for all. Lack of moral education and its practicing may the main reason of it. To lead a balanced, organised society with a happy family and conjugal life; we should maintain it beautifully. Relation is like a plant. We must care it carefully.

Various studies prove that married people remain healthier, physically and mentally. Islam has always maintained that marriage is beneficial for us in many ways. Islam also regards marriage as a way to acquire spiritual perfection. The Prophet (S) said, “One who marries, has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half.” How true! A person who fulfills his sexual urges lawfully would rarely be distracted in spiritual pursuits.

The Prophet (S) says, “No house has been built in Islam more beloved in the sight of Allah than through marriage.” On another occasion the Prophet (S) said, “The best people of my nation (Ummah) are those who get married and have chosen their wives, and the worst people of my nation are those who have kept away from marriage and are passing their lives as bachelors.”

In the Quran, the marriage relationship is described as one with “tranquility,” “love” and “mercy.” Elsewhere in the Quran, husband and wife are described as “garments” for each other (2:187). This metaphor is used because garments offer protection, comfort, modesty, and warmth. Above all, the Quran describes that the best garment is the “garment of God-consciousness” (7:26).

The main object of married life is that the husband and wife live together honorably and harmoniously in love and affection, and thereby make home a place of peace and an abode of rest and pleasure — a heaven on earth. It will serve as a model for others to follow (25:74). This kind of relationship will provide opportunity to both the spouses to make use of their potential and allow their capabilities to grow and develop (30:21). Both should respect and be complementary to each other.

Hand-in-hand with feelings of love and faith, Islamic marriage has a practical aspect, and is structured through legally-enforceable rights and duties of both spouses. In an atmosphere of love and respect, these rights and duties provide a framework for the balance of family life and the personal fulfillment of both partners.

Ways of winning husband’s  heart

• Dress pleasantly and attractively. If you are a home-maker, don’t stay in your sleeping suit all day.
• Don’t lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in.
• Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.
• Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it. (Cleanliness is a Part of Your Faith)
• Encourage him to do good deeds. (Da’wah is obligatory on every Muslim)
• Learn to make his favorite dish. (It is said that the easiest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach)

Ways of winning wife’s  heart

• Don’t look for her body. That’s already yours. Rather look for her mind. She’s looking for opportunities to offer it to you.
• Rather than trying to satisfy her too much, feel and say that you are satisfied with her. Your own satisfaction will satisfy her.
• Whenever you have the opportunity, offer her a flower or a bouquet of flowers with a smile.
• On coming back home every time, give her a hug and a kiss on the forehead.
• Tell her that she looked really nice when she was asleep last night.
• Feel that you have never seen anybody like her and let her know it.
• Look her into the eyes and smile!
• Sometimes act like a child and let her teach you something. She can teach you some things that nobody else can.

Things which weaken the marriage

• Misbehaving – saying bad or hateful things, making bad jokes and insulting each other.
• Ignore – not replying back to the “salams” or giving each other the good ear to listen and share.
• Lying -Allah forbids the believers to lie. There is no room in Islam for liars.
• Breaking Promises – Keeping a trust is also an important characteristic of a believer.
• Avoiding Contact – You hug the brothers at the mosque, but what about a ‘little hug’ with your wife? Come on, you can do it.
• Suspicion and Backbiting – Allah says, “O believers, avoid much suspicion. Certainly suspicion is sinful. And don’t spy or backbite each other. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of your dead brother? You would hate it. Fear Allah’s punishment. For sure Allah is the Acceptor of repentance, The Merciful.” [Quran 49: 12]
• Too Busy – Take time for each other. You have rights on each other. Give everyone their rights and you will be given your rights.
• Leaving The Worship- Allah will never be pleased with someone who leaves His guidance and does not worship Him. This will cause Muslim families serious problems and even to split up, faster than anything!

How to improve the relationship

-Building a solid foundation

-Boost your knowledge with your spouse

-Making time for him/her

-Playing some games

-Reading books together

-Travelling

-Cooking each other meals

-Learning to handle conflict

-Sharing feelings and needs

-giving some space to each other

-Addressing each problems individually

-Avoid blaming

-Repairing conflicts immediately

-Learn and practice to sacrifice and compromise

Magic of Momentous Marriage

Love is a commitment, more than feeling. Choose to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other. Always answer the phone when your husband/wife is calling and when possible, try to keep your phone off/on silent when you’re together with your spouse. Make time together a priority, budget for a consistent date night. Time is the “currency of relationships.” So consistently invest time into your marriage.

In every argument, remember that there won’t be a “winner” and a “loser.” You are partners in everything. So you’ll either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution. surround yourself with friends who will strengthen your marriage and remove yourself from people who may tempt you to compromise your character.

Remember that a strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It’s usually a husband and wife taking turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak. Make laughter the soundtrack of your marriage. Share moments of joy, and even in the hard times, find reasons to laugh. Prioritize what happens in the bedroom. It takes more than sex to build a strong marriage, but it’s nearly impossible to build a strong marriage without it. Give your best to each other, not your leftovers after you’ve given your best to everyone else.

Be patient with each other. Your spouse is always more important that your schedule. Don’t put your marriage on hold while you’re raising your kids or else you’ll end up with an empty nest and an empty marriage. Model the kind of marriage that will make your sons want to grow up to be good husbands and your daughters want to grow up to be good wives.

Never keep secrets from each other. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. When you’ve made a mistake, admit it and humbly seek forgiveness. You should be quick to say, “I was wrong. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” When your husband/wife breaks your trust, give them your forgiveness instantly which will promote healing and create the opportunity for trust to be rebuilt. You should be quick to say, “I love you. I forgive you. Let’s move forward.”

Be your spouse’s biggest encourager, not his/her biggest critic. Be the one who wipes away their tears, not the one who causes them. Never talk badly about your spouse to other people or vent about them online. Protect your spouse at all times and in all places.

Pray together. Every marriage is stronger with Allah in the middle of it. Remember that marriage isn’t 50-50, divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It’s not splitting everything in half, but both partners giving everything they’ve got. Never consider divorce as an option. Remember that a “perfect marriage” is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other! Learn from other people, but don’t feel the need to compare your life or your marriage to anyone else’s. Allah’s plan for your life is masterfully unique.

However marriage, as the foundation of the family and the basic building block of society, it should be uniquely beneficial to mankind which would bring significant stability and meaning to human relationships. That can directly be said, healthy couple, healthy society.

The writer is Postgraduate student of English Literature at University of Dhaka.